Edward and the Discotheque
by Kellbella
Summary: Oneshot where Edward reluctantly agrees to take Alice to a disco in 1978. He is not to happy about the idea of being humilitated wearing disco clothing. He really wants to run and hide, but would do anything for Alice.


**A/N: I had been thinking about the Cullens and how they lived in past decades, how they dressed, and how they felt. This is a humorous take on Edward in the 1970s. **

**Edward and the Discothèque**

The year was 1978; a year that Edward had hoped would pass by quickly. As long as he kept to himself he could wait out the most hideous decade he has lived through yet. He absolutely loved the 1930s, 1940s and 1950s. Those decades had style, men knew how to treat women and it was a simpler time. He sat in quiet reflection of years past, as he was eyeing the stack of clothing, who looked to be taunting him, sitting atop his bed.

For Alice he would do just about anything. Edward had always told her, "I would walk through fire for you." What he was about to do now was not just walk through fire, but the equivalent of being set ablaze in Hades with no sign of water to be extinguished with. The two of them had to stick together because of their "_gifts._" They share just about everything with one another, and through it all, Alice has been his rock and he is hers.

Mainly, Edward preferred to dress similar to James Dean. His look has always been bad boy with style, desirable yet untouchable, so when he had put on those stark white pants and white platform shoes, he was loathing every second of this heinous torture. If he were a human, chafing would be a huge problem, among other things. He pulled and tugged at the two sizes too small pair of trousers, peering into the mirror with a look of horror. As he gazed into the cheval mirror Alice had supplied him, the thought, "_I wouldn't be caught dead in this outfit,"_ rolled through his mind, which is ironic.

Alice bounced into his bedroom already dressed with a smile a mile wide. "Edward, you look perfect. You are emphasizing all of your...ah...assets just beautifully." Alice's eyes sparkled with amusement as she was gazing just below his waist. She motioned for him to turn in a circle so she could see the whole package. Enjoying his torment, she then seized his shirt before he could put it on and started slapping glitter all over his bare chest. "Alice what are you doing?" She just shook her head in annoyance and kept smattering me with golden glitter. "Edward it is imperative that you sparkle. Trust me; this is the 'in' style right now. You will have all of those women drooling all over you." He really didn't want women drooling over him or doing anything else to him, for that matter. "Alice, we already sparkle when we go out in the sun." Alice gave him a severe look that stated he was mentally incompetent. "Edward nobody knows that. We must blend in with everyone else." She then handed back the black polyester shirt with butterfly collar for him to don. These garments felt horrible. Hell, they even looked horrible. It was too tight, too flammable, and definitely made him look gay; if people didn't think he was gay before, they have ample ammunition to think so now.

Alice had tried to hand Edward a gold chain to wear. He raised an eyebrow and started to shed his shirt in an angry gesture. She threw her hands up in surrender, "Okay Edward you don't have to wear the chain." He donned the shirt again in disgust. After making sure that the rest of the family had gone out to hunt, and the house was truly empty, he flew downstairs. When Edward opened the front door, he turned his head this way and that trying to make sure that he wouldn't be seen by anyone and ran for his car in embarrassment.

Edward stood in the darkened former warehouse that had been transformed into a disco with a look of apprehension. All eyes were on Edward and Alice, their beauty unsurpassed. Alice took Edward's hand and encouraged him with a smile and thought, "Its okay Edward we are going to win the dance contest." He tried smiling back, but all that came out was a strangled look of desperation. Winning was the least of his worries. Being seen in public like this is what scared the hell out of him.

The disco music had been deafening and was less than enticing. Edward's enhanced senses made this endeavor even more chaotic. Strobes of light were flashing brightly; it was even coming up from the floor illuminating his every move. He could smell sweat, various perfumes and colognes, lust and sex in the air. Just about everything in this disco had been done to excess. God, after that damn movie came out, this is all Alice talked about. Of course Jasper has been no help to him whatsoever. The traitor actually encouraged this! Edward may just have to go into isolation for a decade or two after this torturous endeavor.

All the women in the club dressed similarly to Alice; their low rise, hip hugging, bell bottom lamé pants were hugging the curves of their hips and their matching lamé bell sleeved top that tied in a knot exposing their midriffs were pushing their breasts up to high heaven. "Edward, unbutton your shirt! The more you expose your flesh, the better the response from all the women judges...keep going...keep going...great...perfect." He had unbuttoned his shirt all the way down to his belly button. Completely mortified, Edward took a deep cleansing breath and looked around. "Alice, this is so humiliating." All eyes were on the stunning pair.

Edward took Alice's hand and they glided out onto the dance floor. They started dancing, their bodies moving together in perfect harmony. He detested dancing the hustle, but Alice was insistent. Edward took both of Alice's hands and they went into a rocking step turning in the opposite direction and placing their feet together and repeating the step again and again. Eventually, they caught sight of their whole family watching them. Alice's face turned up in a smile; whereas mine turned down in a frown. They had promised to go hunting, yet here they were clapping and enjoying the spectacle that was my misery.

Strange women were screaming both verbally and mentally to Edward. When they finish their dance he will be accosted by at least ten different women, one man, receive two marriage proposals and one solicitation to father a child. Alice looked at Edward and giggled. She knew exactly what he had heard and was amused by his suffering. All he wanted to do was run as fast as he could, preferably to Siberia. He didn't want strange women groping and fondling him in the darkness.

When the night had finally ended, he went home with a trophy, more handprints on his derriere than he could count, and a shattered ego. He raced upstairs peeling off that vomit inducing, revolting leisure suit from Saturday Night Fever and poured accelerant onto the pile of "_clothing_,_"_ if you will, and burned them in the bathtub. Edward heard Alice calling from his bedrom door, "Thank you Edward. You made my night perfect." Seeing Alice beaming with pride made it all worthwhile. Edward will never, ever do anything like that again, but he was glad that Alice had a good time with him.


End file.
